(Laura’s note: This post originally ran at Vanderhacks, my Substack newsletter. To sign up for a free or paid subscription, go here. Thanks!)
Every year around this time, people make lists of their New Year’s resolutions. I know there’s a lot of cynicism about such things — we’ll all be off the wagon by February! — but I think that’s because a lot of people set goals they don’t truly want to keep. So when life gets complicated, as it always does, they don’t.
But goals don’t have to feel restrictive. Indeed, sometimes traditional goals can be reframed to feel a lot more fun. Here are ten goals that will make life feel more enjoyable and meaningful. Why not choose one or more to try in the new year?
1. Upgrade your date nights. If you’ve got a busy life, time with your spouse or partner can easily fall down the priority list. Investing in that relationship is a great goal — and a specific way to do that is to aim to do something a little different than crashing in front of the TV together at least once a month or so. Think about what you’d both enjoy. A bike ride plus a stop at a brewery? A concert? Going to a sporting event? Then find times for at least 2-3 of these over the next few months.
2. Take one night for you. I maintain that everybody needs something in their lives that is not work and is not caring for family members. What hobbies do you enjoy? What did you do for fun when you were younger? Can you still incorporate that into your life now? Ideally you can find something that involves a regular commitment (choir practice every Thursday; a regular tennis game every Tuesday) so that can become your night “off.” If you have young kids, swap nights with your partner, or with a friend or other family member, or hire a sitter. I promise you will start looking forward to this night off every week, and as a bonus, you’ll probably spend less time on your phone.
3. Always have something to look forward to. Sometimes people resolve to be better about managing their calendars. I’m a big fan of creating a designated weekly planning time. But you won’t stick with a weekly planning routine if planning is no fun. So, resolve to always plan something to look forward to. Whenever you map out your workweek, make sure there’s at least one bright spot on the calendar (like lunch with a favorite colleague). Plan in a half day off sometime in the next few weeks. Or put something fun like a getaway into the schedule over the next few months. Planning fun things is what makes planning fun.
4. Visit an old acquaintance. Friendships are hard when you’re managing work and family responsibilities. It’s easiest to maintain relationships with people you see regularly. But that doesn’t mean that old acquaintances should be forgot, and never called to mind. Resolve to go visit a dear friend or family member this year. People are a good use of time. They’re also a good use of money (though you can also put a watch on airfare to see when a visit might be cheapest!).
5. Put yourself to bed. Small children have a bedtime and a bedtime routine. These rituals ensure they get enough sleep. You deserve to get enough sleep too! Figure out what time you need to go to bed each night in order to be well-rested when your alarm goes off. Then, at least 30-45 minutes before that bedtime, indulge in pleasurable and relaxing things — a cup of tea, a bath, reading, chatting with your partner (or otherwise enjoying this person’s company!). Make sure your bed feels cozy and indulgent and you’ll look forward to climbing in there. If you set your bedtime wisely, you might even start waking up before your alarm, and there’s nothing better than waking up 10-15 minutes early on a weekday morning and just getting to lie there, a little groggy, slowly emerging from dream land.
6. Indulge in grocery store adventures. Sometimes people resolve to save money by spending less on restaurant take out and delivery. I think this is a great goal, but it’s hard to keep if the food in your fridge is boring. So, resolve to indulge at the grocery store (truly — a great steak is likely cheaper than a mediocre chain restaurant burger and fries that will arrive lukewarm). Go ahead and budget for a few impulse buys like gorgeous looking produce or intriguing condiments (I will sing the praises of chipotle aioli). If you have to grocery shop, you might as well enjoy it.
7. Buy or borrow all the books (plus subscribe to some magazines). I may be biased here, but I think people should buy more books! In any case, people often resolve to spend less time on their phones. But then they don’t think about how to make their non-screen leisure time appealing. If you buy that new thriller everyone’s talking about, you’ll be too hooked on the plot to scroll around on Instagram. I know new hardcover books can be expensive, but anyone can get into the habit of visiting the library regularly and checking out whatever looks good. It’s like someone just awarded you a shopping spree in a book store! Magazines are also very cheap per hour of entertainment, so subscribe to a few and you’ll have something else to do on a lazy afternoon other than look at someone else’s children’s matching outfits.
8. Use better pens. Truly, life is too short to use terrible pens. Start by throwing out any pen that doesn’t work. It’s not going to magically start working again. Over the next few months, try buying one or two pens from a different brand every time you go somewhere like Target. Experiment to see what you like. Honestly, I think many people who resolve to journal, or keep a gratitude list, or use a planner, wind up quitting because their pens are awful. So go straight to the foundational issue and get pens that are a pleasure to use!
9. Have better weekends. A lot of people are so exhausted that they get to the weekend and think they want to do…nothing. But it’s impossible to do nothing. You’ll do something, but it might not be nearly as enjoyable or rejuvenating as it would be if you put a little thought into it. So, aim each weekend to set three intentions of things you want to do. Not things you have to do, things you want to do. A good template is to do something physical, something social, and something spiritual. Going for a long run, meeting a friend for coffee, and going to worship services would work. So would a walk, dinner with your spouse, and listening to awe-inspiring music. Any of these combinations would make you feel like the weekend happened, and give you something to talk about on Monday.
10. Take a real lunch break. Lots of big intentions — managing stress, getting outside, being more productive at work — can be aided with this one simple habit. Whatever kind of work you do, commit to taking a real break in the middle of the day (or at least in the middle of your shift). Make or procure something tasty. Stop working for at least a little while. Meet a colleague (or your partner if you’re both working from home) and have a real conversation. Or indulge in something else enjoyable, like reading a book, going for a short walk, or listening to your favorite music. The work will still be there in 20 minutes but you will return more able to deal with it.