If you have a lot of kids, or have simply observed lots of kids, you know that some kids are “easier” than others. Some babies are easier to soothe and like to sleep more than others. Some children are naturally more interested in pleasing the adults in their lives than other children are.
I’ve certainly noticed this, which is why I was fascinated to see the concept of “easy child privilege” mentioned online. The idea is that sometimes people who have easy kids get public credit for being great parents. Then people with more “difficult” kids, who may not be neurotypical, or naturally compliant, or who may have more challenges with eating or sleeping, look like “bad parents” — even though in many cases it is their excellent parenting that is keeping their kids within certain ranges of behavior.
In today’s episode of Best of Both Worlds, Sarah and I explore this concept. In some ways I have easy kids. They are smart, caring, and wonderful people (who also happen to be neurotypical and don’t have chronic medical conditions that affect daily life). I can also see, with an n=5, that some aspects of their personalities have little to do with me. The obvious example: one child was willing to eat eyeballs in a restaurant when that was on offer during some international travel. One child subsists on chicken nuggets. Same house, same general upbringing.
Sarah also shares her thoughts on some kids being “easier” than others. Then in the Q&A we discuss the concept of the babysitter “bench.” A listener needed back-up care recently and wondered how many people one needs on the roster. You want caregivers to be available when needed, but if you don’t have a regular need for them, people might stop being interested. Yet another thing to be managed! Please give the episode a listen.
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I did bristle a bit about this idea of ‘easy’ kids and it’s a way to tell parents that they’re not really parents if they don’t have XYZ struggles but I get that we’re talking about people who act superior to others because they didn’t experience the hardships of others. Like, try not to be a jerk and know that your situation and miles may vary. I have also laughed about people seemingly forgetting that children will likely take after them in many ways – like, if you are or weren’t a good sleeper when you were a kid, your kids may also be terrible sleepers. We had friends like this where even before kids she never slept. It’s not a surprise that your kids doesn’t sleep either. I know this isn’t always true and you may not know how you behaved or did things but usually there are family stories – I, for instance, was legendarily stubborn and so it’s not a surprise that my son also is. LOL! It is now something I have to manage with patience, I suppose.
@Jen – yep, genetics can certainly be part of it. My husband and I aren’t high sleep needs people, so it’s not really surprising that our kids aren’t either! And the advice “try not to be a jerk” is probably universally applicable!