The Happier podcast covered Big Time and the concept of “golden hours” as a “try this at home” segment yesterday. If you heard about me over there, welcome! I hope you’ll stick around.
The golden hours are the hours after work and before bed on weekdays. This time is hard to use well — but since it is the bulk of our leisure/family time during the week, it would be a shame to write it off as unusable. By setting one 30-minute intention each day, we can make this time a lot more fun.
One option Gretchen and Elizabeth mentioned is TOAD time — that’s my family’s acronym for “Time Outside After Dinner.” (If the double “time” in the acronym bothers you, call it Together Outside After Dinner!). The idea is that during the months of the year when it’s light later, and more pleasant outside, going outside after dinner feels like bonus time. Everyone tends to enjoy themselves and it’s a reminder that the day isn’t over after dinner.
I got a note from a reader/listener recently noting that she wanted to try TOAD time, but it was challenging with little kids. So many shoes to put on, so many things that can go wrong. Plus when do the dishes happen? There’s a narrow window after dinner and before the bedtime routine for little ones. But I think there are a few things that can make it feel more doable.
First, keep shoes (and jackets if you need them) by the door! You definitely don’t want to go hunting for these things. You can put them in a cute bin if you want or…don’t. Convenience trumps esthetics here. Also, Velcro and slip-ons all the way. If a 4-year-old can handle shoes without help you’re already winning (we teach kids a flip way of putting on jackets too that they can generally handle pretty young). Bug spray can live by the door or on the porch too. As soon as everyone has their shoes on, you walk out, do a quick spray, and be on your way.
As for dishes, this is a great opportunity to divide and conquer. If there are two adults around, one of you takes the kids outside for TOAD time and the other can do the dishes. If you’re still outside when the dishes are done, then this second adult can come join you. So you get family time and the dishes get done. More winning! If there is only one of you I would suggest very very simple meals that generate few dishes. Like a sheet pan dinner. Or one pot. If you have at most two dirty dishes then doing the dishes just means loading the plates into the dishwasher and then you can just leave your 1-2 pots soaking to deal with later as you are shutting the house post kid bedtime.
Anyway, I would also mostly limit expectations. Playing in the yard is great! That’s what we do most days. If you want to do a stroller walk, put the kids in the double stroller and go. Even if your oldest can walk you might decide that this is a great time for this child not to walk. Again, limit expectations. If you get down the block and back, you’re winning. The kids might be more motivated if there’s a destination, so walking to a nearby playground or park would be good (this is probably the best option if you’re in a place where you don’t have a yard).
If you’re in a car-based place, and you wanted to, once every week or two you could drive somewhere — like a playground that’s a 5-10 minute drive away. This would be a great way to fill an hour after dinner and before bed, and will make the evening more interesting. It’s a little adventure. And hey, for at least the time the kids are in the car, they will be strapped in and can’t go anywhere, thus limiting mischief.
And just be patient too, as this all gets a lot easier as kids get older. These days in my household everyone can bike, and can get their own shoes on and a lot of possibilities open up.
