Like most modern children, my kids are into their screens. I’ve tried setting hour limits in the past, but it just becomes another source of mental load and friction.
So instead my general philosophy has been to set some limits on when the screens are available (they go away at night, at least for younger kids — and for everyone during the school year) and then just keep the kids busy doing a lot of non-screen things during the day. This naturally limits the time available.
This is easier said than done in winter, but this summer we’ve finally gotten the pool + hot tub combo working out in the yard. On any given “nice” (not raining) night we are often out there around 7:45/8 p.m. and aren’t back in the house until close to 9. As these are precisely the hours the kids would be zoned out watching YouTube videos, it’s kept at least some of that in check.
Of course, now that the Olympics are on I’m actually *trying* to find more screen time to watch it. Last night the 4-year-old had announced that he didn’t want to go in the pool because he’d had a swim lesson earlier. But around 8:00 it suddenly became urgent that we go, so I relented. He wasn’t the world’s best pool companion (he had a scrape on his foot, so after all that rigamarole to get out there he then didn’t want to have his foot in the water…) but the 12-year-old and 17-year-old sat in the hot tub and talked with me for a while. So that was still nice. I finally managed to watch some gymnastics from 9:45-10:45 p.m. after the little guy was down.
As for the 9-year-old…he’s now at sleep-away camp where he’ll have no screens for two weeks! I’m pretty sure they keep them busy enough that he might not even notice — but I’ll report back when I see him again.
In other news: We got a Polaroid-type camera for a party two years ago, and I hauled it back out to send printed photos to the 9-year-old at camp. He wanted me to hug his stuffed animals at night as though I were hugging him. So each day I take a photo of me hugging a different stuffy and send that in the mail. I sent him with addressed, stamped envelopes, so we’ll see if anything comes back to me…
I sent my 8 yo with stamped, addressed envelopes to camp earlier this summer. At pick up his older brother and I were talking about the letters we got from the 1 1 yo during the weeks at camp (they were together). The 8 yo volunteered that he lost his envelopes and thus was unable to write (forget the you can buy postcards in the store for a nominal fee). When I emptied his trunk once we got home I found the soggy envelopes and pad of writing paper at the bottom under a wet swimsuit. But the 11 yo had indeed sent about 4 letters. Every kid is different.
@Gillian – yep, I’m not holding my breath for a response. But if they do set aside time to have the kids write their parents, at least he has the stuff available! I can already see he’s buying something at the camp store…
Aww, it’s very cute that you are sending pics of you hugging his stuffies. I hope sleep-away camp is going well for him. I bet it’s weird to have him out of the house for 2 weeks!
We have a similar approach to screens. We get out of the house for solid blocks on sat and sun morning/afternoon. I need downtime between those outings so they get their iPad or can watch a movie while I rest. On week nights we are more restrictive and they just get 30 minutes of a show before bedtime. Lately they’ve decided to watch Bluey but they watch the same episodes over and over and over which I just can’t and don’t understand!! But hey, if that’s what they want to do, so be it.
@Lisa- it is so odd not to have him around! But I do hope it’s an exciting experience for him. I feel like it probably is. I’m pondering if we need to limit a bit more during the year but again, people are going to be busy. Some of this just works itself out…
I think it’s such a positive strategy – rather than denying yourself something, you replace it with something better. On days I’m hanging out with friends or really immersed in a task or a good book, I never even want to look at my phone.
We don’t do screentime Monday-Thursday with just one kid. We don’t get home til 5:30 and bedtime is at 7:30. We will allow it from 4:00 until dinner on the weekends, but it often gets crowded out by other things. If he hears the neighbour grandkids outside, the TV is off and he’s out the door to play. We only do TV on a proper screen though, which I think helps? Netflix just isn’t as stimulating as Youtube.
@Coree- I imagine a regular TV with Netflix type programming isn’t as stimulating as being able to get your own 2-minute videos on whatever you want…but we kind of lost that battle a while ago. Five kids were never going to agree on one show anyway…
Hugging the stuffed animals and sending photos, that’s so cute ❤
@Kamala- I’m hoping he likes it!
What a fun post. My kids are both at sleepaway camp this week and for the first time since becoming a parent, my husband and I are in our own home SOLO. I knew it was going to be wonderful, but it has exceeded all my expectations! I wrote each child a handwritten note and tucked it in their luggage and that’s it (but they’re only gone Sunday – Friday, so it’s not very long).
Screen limits. Sigh. 75% of the time I’m confident of our approach which is we have no rules or specific limits. Neither child has a phone and they aren’t allowed to take screens to bed (aside from an old phone that only plays audiobooks), but there are some Saturdays where the majority of their day is spent on screens. I like to think it mostly comes out in the wash. They’re active and busy and very engaged with friends and school and church. And sometimes it IS nice to veg and have a movie marathon. But 25% of the time I’m convinced I’m ruining them forever. And then I try to limit screens and want to jump off the nearest tall building because they’re driving me crazy and I decide the kids will be just fine and let them back on screens…
@Elisabeth – wow, the house to yourselves! That is something. We are a ways from there, but I had a thought that my little guy will be the age to go to sleep away camp in 5 years or so, and no doubt our second to youngest will have things he’s doing then too — we may wind up with glimpses of the empty nest (or “open door” to quote Gretchen Rubin) phase before long.
I think screen time limits are just over sold…