Given that parenthood is a broadly shared experience, many people want to offer advice and their own discoveries. Unfortunately, when it comes to working parenthood — particularly for women — lots of people want to share warnings or sweeping generalizations.
Sarah and I envisioned today’s Best of Both Worlds episode, about the myths of working parenthood, as an episode that people could share with a friend who is expecting for the first time, or has a new baby. We both found that many of the things people told us, or that are circulating in the broader popular culture, were either not true for us, or were far more nuanced than people claimed.
From guilt to a lack of leisure time to the idea that you “can’t” have a career if your partner does X, Y, or Z, we tackle it all. Please give the episode a listen! And please do share it with someone embarking on this journey.
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I really liked this episode. So many of the points myths you raised have been espoused by people around me at some point or another in my journey with my almost 1 year old. One aspect of the topic of guilt I wish you could have covered is guilt about not being able to put in the same amount of effort at work as one used to pre-baby. As some background, a lot of people around me would say I’m type A, although I don’t think I am – there’s always room to do more and better. But I’m really struggling to accept my limitations with an incredibly active and demanding- albeit absolutely delightful – baby. I want to be a present and active mum, but I don’t want my work to suffer for that.
I don’t know if I’m expecting too much from myself and, as Sarah has said a few times, I should give myself grace. Or should I keep expecting more of myself and work towards that?
@Nneka – thanks for listening! I think having some reduced capacity can actually be a great opportunity to figure out what is most important and do a little less of the stuff that we don’t look at so critically when we have all the time in the world. I think it probably helps to realize that your B+ is definitely better than a replacement’s A+ while they get up to speed — and you’ll be back to whatever prior level of productivity you were at soon enough (just more efficiently than before!)
I enjoyed the part of the episode where you pointed out how, curiously enough, when something is done by a father, it’s judged very differently.
I don’t quite agree though with the comment on the first formative years not being that important, everything I read was rather clear that the foundation of parent-child-relationship are laid there and it does matter to be there. And that’s for both mom AND dad!