My column, “The Princesss Problem,” ran in this morning’s USA Today. It’s based loosely on some of the discussion we’ve had here on this blog about little girls’ obsessions with princesses, and what it means from a societal level. Researching and writing this column has reminded me of the importance of negotiating and maintaining one’s earning capacity as a woman. You never know when you will need to support your family. It’s an interesting question of why young women don’t see supporting their children financially as a crucial part of mothering. We will see if this changes over time.
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Laura Vanderkam is the author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Portfolio, 2010) and Grindhopping: Build a Rewarding Career without Paying Your Dues (McGraw-Hill, 2007). She is a member of USA Today's Board of Contributors, and her work has appeared in Reader's Digest, Scientific American, Wired, The American, Portfolio and other publications.
Write to her at lvanderkam at yahoo dot com.
It is amazing how many women think if they sit out of the workforce and home with kids 110 percent it will all still be there waiting for them, and then they are surprised when those of us who kept working and putting in quality time with kids, don’t do the same. And they are also surprised when it isn’t all there waiting for them or their husbands don’t value their “unpaid” 100 hour workweek the same as theirs.
It is amazing how we working moms get slack for working a 50 hour workweek but nobody complains when the stay at home mom is working 100 plus hours a week on her “job” for no money and has her kid in front of the tv.
And the person who least complains in those situations is the man, the so-called prince, who let’s be honest gets a sweet deal, full credit for fathering, control over all the money and a love slave. I find this interesting that this slavery is not seen as overtime but working for money is.
It is interesting to also look at the role religion plays in this. It is interesting for Christians that Jesus was very forward thinking in this area - Mary Magdal. and other women are always quoted as active in the bible but that the Christian religion and most religions for that matter, are against women having big careers and that there are some very strong groups in this area against women taking control of their own lives. I’m not talking about birth control here; I’m talking about just women working at something other than marriage and motherhood. Isn’t this a given? It is shocking for me how many people when you say you have a child and work 40 hours give you a hard time.
Muslims (not sure all but many sects) for example are huge advocates for exclusive breastfeeding and don’t in some cases even support pumping and this leaves women in an interesting place, like are they sinners b/c they pump breast milk or choose to go back to work with formula? !! What Century are we in people?
Much of conservative religion today focuses on getting women to stay home and little of modern religion really helps women advocate for themselves as good mothers in the modern world where being a breadwinner is umm, important. It is also interesting to see what this princess mentality really does to a marriage of equals, leaving a lot of women as children, playing all day in children’s clothes, unable to wear grownup work clothes, unable to talk about anything but children etc. It is not that easy for even the best of man to keep up respect and a good sex life say with a woman for whom he is now controlling an “allowance” and this is what happens literally to the woman on the block, if essentially the woman brings in no “income” and unfortunately the stay at home does not bring in income.
I think marginal tax rates on married couples and the need for one job to be secure, more than any “princess mentality” cause the lower-earning spouse to exit the workforce. Many of the women engineers I worked with had stay-at-home husbands. I don’t think this is because of the princess mentality.
Businesses don’t look well on employees who are too frequently absent for sick kids (and consider disabled children) Do you and your husband equally share days off for sick kids?
Laura, your piece is INCREDIBLE. As soon as I finished reading it, I immediately tweeted it. It soon become the most clicked through link I had ever sent into the TwitterSphere. Your insightful comments are clearly striking a chord with women all across the country. I was so moved by your piece, I ended up blogging about your article (and it became my most clicked through post). The degree to which society continues to encourage women to give up control, and especially financial control, over our lives is a long over due topic. Go you for highlighting, in such a beautifully written Op-Ed, this pink elephant in the room. “The Princess Problem” should be required reading for all Americans!
the article was truly needed as a young father of a 14 year old the newspaper usa today never ceases to amaze me day in and day out. when i buy the paper there are days,i know i wont get to every great article. there is not one section any better than the others.i still buy for the sports,because thatis my obsession.
bernie
I think all of you are forgetting something about all the princess stories - the end. In case you didn’t notice, they all lived happily ever after.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little girl’s desire to be a princess. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a big girl’s desire to be a princess. I think, Laura, that you took girls’ dream to be a princess way out of context. When a girl thinks of being a princess, she thinks of being loved and adored by a noble, gallant prince. Dreaming of being a princess only raises girls standards when they come across guys. Their dream challenges them to examine this boy and see if he reaches their mark or not. Wanting to be a princess will oftentimes protect girls because it gives them something beautiful to think about in the midst of this fallen world.
The desire to be a princess does NOT take away a girl’s (or woman’s) ability to fend for herself. It is not a crutch, it is not a worthless dream, it is not something silly to want.
The princess mentality is a beautiful thing because it shows that girls want more than what the world says is “good.” Yes, the princess mentality does make women more reluctant to work, but it’s usually just because they want to spend more time with their family. Is anything so wrong with that? Princess stories do not steal a woman’s ability to earn money, stories like Cinderella inspire girls to find their noble prince and to wait patiently for him because in the end, they all live happily ever after.